It’s starting to get difficult

In the last week, my feet have started swelling. I know some people struggle with swelling throughout their whole pregnancy, but I haven’t. So I’d been hoping to avoid it.  But no such luck. I have to be careful about which socks I wear now, and at night, socks have to come off completely. I’m trying to sit more throughout the day, and at night, to elevate my feet, but they are still swelling up.

I had a doctor’s appointment today. The babies are still breech, and my doctor said that since they’ve been pretty consistent in their position, she’d be surprised if they manage to turn head down. This means more likely than not, they will have to be born via C-section, something I’d REALLY been hoping to avoid.

I have to start going to the doctor every week now, instead of every two. She checked my cervix today, which hurts just about as bad as anything has ever hurt before, and it’s still closed.  So I guess that’s good news. And now she’ll check it every week, which is the bad news.

 I don’t care how “easy” I’ve had it or how “lucky” I’ve been. Today it feels hard. I measured at 44 weeks. I’ve gained 30 pounds. It’s hard to get into the car.  It’s hard to get out of the car. I run out of breath when I’m talking to my students. It’s been over 4 months since I’ve been able to go running or get any real quality exercise.

I know I should be enjoying the last of our child-free days, but truthfully, I’m sick of being pregnant. I don’t want the babies to be born yet, but I’m tired of carrying them around.