I’m not really sure if this is the place for these thoughts, but since no one’s on myspace anymore, this is really the only place I do any writing. I’m just feeling really tired and worn down. Yes, I know I’m lucky to have two healthy children. And yes, I know that this time goes by quickly and that I’ll miss it someday. But right now I’m just TIRED and feeling like taking care of two 1 year olds is a lot, a LOT, of work.
For unknown reasons, our girls seem to be developmentally behind in the type of foods they are able to eat. Most babies can start finger foods at 6-8 months. We started trying at 9, and nearly every attempt ended in gagging, choking, and vomiting. During periods when the girls have gotten sick and are throwing up anyway, I’ve completely backed off, thus putting off progress for a week here or there. But I feel like I really have been trying consistently, and we’ve only just now begun to make some real progress. The girls like puffs, and have eaten those for awhile now, and FINALLY this week they were able to eat some pieces of shredded cheese without choking and gagging. Siren seems to like the cheese well enough and will eat a few pieces, but Imogen mostly just throws hers on the floor after trying a couple.
All of that is to say this: dinner time has become more than an hour long, frustrating process. I thought by now I’d be getting to make a family meal. Yes, cutting it into tiny pieces, but that at least we’d be eating basically the same food. Instead I start cutting, steaming, and blending vegetables around 4. When Will’s around he entertains the babies, but when he’s not I run back and forth from the kitchen to the play area, and I try to keep the babies from freaking out and getting too upset. I try to have food ready by 4:30. And then we begin the arduous process of giving the girls spoonfulls of food. If it’s something they like, it goes relatively easily. If it’s just food of average likability, it takes an hour (or more) to get a tiny dish of food into their bellies. Imogen will put her hands in front of her mouth and make “wa wa wa wa wa” noises. Both of them try to grab the spoon. I know you’re probably thinking: well, maybe they’re not hungry. But I can tell your from their behavior later that they ARE. Also, recently they’ve started using the baby sign for “more.” So when the food stops going in easily, I’ll ask, “Do you want more?” And then they’ll make the sign. So they do want to eat, they just aren’t interested in doing it quickly or easily, or in feeding themselves.
This wouldn’t be such a big deal, but this frustrating process comes after the frustrating process of trying to get them to take an afternoon nap and before the frustrating process of trying to get them to go to bed. Right now parenting seems to be a long string of frustrating processes and not very much fun.
I was listening to a podcast this weekend called For Crying Out Loud. http://cryingoutloudshow.com/
Both of the hosts have twins, and they were interviewing Mark McGrath (the singer of Sugar Ray) and his partner about their twins. Both of the hosts were trying to reassure Mark and his partner that this is just a hard period, and that having twins gets a lot better…. once they turn 4.
… I really don’t want to wish away the next three years of my life…
I knew parenting would be hard. I work with teenagers, remember. I also know that reality is often vastly different from your expectations. I’m just tired of EVERYTHING ALWAYS being so HARD. I’ve never shied away from hard work, but right now I’m just tired. I’m just tired. And I’d like something to start feeling a little easier.