I know it’s only been a few days, and I’m STILL not getting the recommended 8 hours of sleep at night, but I HAVE made an effort to get more sleep this week, but I haven’t noticed that it’s made a big difference. Maybe it’s because I’m so far behind that adding another 30 minutes to an hour each night isn’t going to make a huge difference. I don’t know. I just know that I’m even more behind on work than usual, still sick, not exercising, and I don’t know what to do about all of it.
It’s frustrating to me that I haven’t been able to follow through on any of my goals this year. I want so much to be exercising regularly, in the morning, to be making progress in running, to be writing regularly and looking for a way to do it even more regularly, to be caught up (enough) with my school work that I’m not feeling completely overwhelmed. There is just not enough time in the day for me to be able to make this happen right now, so I’m not sure what to do about it. It feels too scary and too sad to say, “Okay, I’m just not going to work on my goals right now.” At the same time, it’s incredibly frustrating to WANT to make progress on them and then not to be able to.
In the area of nighttime with the girls, we are at least making some progress on that. Instead of crying it out, which we weren’t having a lot of success with, we are trying a different Ferber technique. When we put the girls to bed, I tell them that I’ll come check on them every X number of minutes until they fall asleep. Siren still cried a little the first night. Actually, both of them did. But I started by checking on them every 3 minutes. It only took a few times of me coming back into the room for the girls to realize that I WOULD keep coming back. Then Imogen went right to sleep. Siren took a little longer. The second and third nights were better. I was able to come back in every 5 minutes instead of 3, and they fell asleep within 30 minutes of lying down. We hit a set back the 4th night. Siren fell asleep, I stopped coming into her room, but then she woke up a few minutes after that and was upset. She didn’t fall asleep for good until around 10:00. The next night she didn’t fall asleep until 10:00 either. Tonight went well again. I was able to go into the room every 6 minutes. I started around 8:10, and the girls were both asleep by 8:50. Siren has still been waking up during the night, but Will usually hears her first, picks her up, and then is able to lay her down again after a minute. Most of the time she goes right back to sleep.
So while things are much improved, we still have a way to go. It is also extremely limiting to have to go into the girls’ room every few minutes for up to an hour every night, but it’s preferable to do this than to have them be agitated and upset and not going to sleep for an hour (or longer) anyway. I’m also hopeful that I”ll be able to extend the time periods to longer than 6 minutes after a few more days. Fingers crossed.
I have 6 weeks of school, uninterrupted by any holidays, and unlikely to be interrupted by inclement weather, before spring break. During this time we also have our state testing for English AND spring conferences. AND the girls’ birthday is the first weekend of my spring break, so it won’t get relaxing until after that. This is just a stressful time, and I’m having a hard time trying to feel any excitement or enthusiasm for it. I also know I’m not likely to get a ton of sleep due to the zero breaks in the schedule, which is causing me to feel a certain amount of dread. I wish I could feel more positive about things. After all, I do know how lucky I am that Will and I are both employed, the girls are healthy, our house is standing, we have two working vehicles (3 if you count the one we need to sell), and we pretty much have enough money for the things we need. I KNOW we are blessed. It’s just hard not to feel stressed when I think about everything I need to do and how little time there is to get it done.